How do I explain the big things breaking out of this tiny kid? She’s monstrous and loud. She’s so happy and really pissed. She's magnetic most times and kind of annoying others. Ladies and gentlemen, I have a toddler.

First, writing this post will probably be controversial despite its intent. That is our world, but I ask you, dear reader, to set aside...

Ideal reader: Expecting parents with a subtle craving for the ex-patriotic life, preferably seeking source material to say "well, in...